How To Avoid A Groomer

Jun 3, 2022
4 min read

Breathe! You are normal. You thought the sweetness, attentiveness and care was real.....until the mask fell and that charming man or woman, was a beast beneath the false demeanor that they used to entrap you with, for their own selfish needs. You thought that you had something genuine between the both of you, because your intentions for them and with them were real. You may be thinking;

"How could I have been so stupid?"

You were not stupid then....when you could not see past them sweeping you off of your feet with constant praise and admiration towards you. You are not stupid, now....while being on the painful opposite end of grooming....the discard stage of their toxicity, abuse and narcissism. You were never the problem. They had an innate goal, which was to deplete you of everything loving, empathetic, understanding, stable, calm, caring, creative, joyful, lively, energetic, unique, bold, established and faithful. They are empty vessels with holes in them, incapable of containing anything worthy. They are never full and satisfied. They have to rob people of their God given value, because they have no idea what their own is. They chase highs and fear lows....which are those moments in life where we all have to face ourselves alone, right where we are. They hate what they have to face and what they see looking back at them in their mirrors. For this reason, contentment to them, is a negative thing.

Those moments where you refused to lower your voice and not be tamed by their need for you to shrink yourself, to fit their comforts............they hated you. It was at that point that they began to fear that you would hold them accountable for their actions. They began to notice that you would rather support them than coddle them. They picked up on the fact that you questioned them, instead of taking their word for everything. They did not expect you to remember stories that they would spin and lies they would stretch to fit their narrative. Your awareness of their skilled manipulation, became the end game. Before you became a further threat to their façade, they had to find some way to get rid of you.

The Grand Finale.

You are no longer the light of their day. You have been reduced to a stranger. You have invested time; months and years, energy, support and love. They now treat you like they have only known you for a day, and you just did not get their memo that they are not interested. You have serious questions that will not get answered. They make you feel like a weirdo creep stalker....with the amount of questions and frustrations they have created and refuse to answer to. You have worries, that they blame you for. Suspicions that you are right about. Offenses and mistakes that you made with them, years ago, that you thought you both worked out, together.....they will spin to turn it into irrelevant current events that purposely make you look like YOU are the toxic and abusive partner, instead of them. They project the negative that they are, onto you. Because they manipulated your emotions and gained your trust through their grooming, it has made it easier for them, to blame you for their shortcomings and toxicity, and for you to blame yourself. This is what they wanted. This is what they prepared you for. This has made their exit easier. That person or people that they started grooming, whilst making you feel like you were in a relationship with them.....as hurtful as that became in the end, they are now free agents to place all of their energy into grooming the new supply. They have moved on, and are now in full grooming honeymoon stage mode with their newest victim. Their pitiful cycle continues. They have left you in their chaos; confused, angry, in disbelief, and lost. Now, you are dealing with a whole set of mental health issues....Their parting gift of their mental health issues, your own, after dealing with them, and soul ties; their soul and whatever souls were tied to them while being in your life, that only God can sever.

This is a true story. This was my true story. It is avoidable. One simple thing.....Know your worth. You are not anyone's hospital, waiting room or holding cell. You are not equipped to carry the weight of peoples traumas, dysfunctions and pain. Not even your own. Know that your life is worthy enough to set boundaries. In fact, you must. You are not responsible for the toxicity of others, nor the toxicity of those that they have or had in their lives. You deserve to be healed and whole. You deserve someone that can bring healing and wholesomeness to your table. To know your worth, to receive the only validation that matters in this world and beyond, and that you need.....get into the word of God, and learn his love and thoughts towards you. Every demonic thing a toxic abusive narcissist makes you feel and think about yourself, is contrary to who God says you are, to Him.