"Width" Perception (A plus-sized tale)

The other day I saw this video pop up in my recommended videos to watch, so I decided to take a look at it. It was incredibly inaccurate and disgusting, to say the least. The topic centered around the simple-minded belief, that plus-sized women are the women that broke men choose, because they will take care of these clowns...while these men will not approach a thinner woman, because she will refuse to carry the heavy unemployed unambitious load, of bum men. This ignorant false guru was implying that, big women will accept bottom of the barrel men and take care of them, because they should be glad that they can get a man, at all. One of the commentators stated: "That's what she has to do, to keep a man."

My greatest issue with this narrative, is that fat women are perceived as desperate, low class, needy, having low standards in men, and need to take, and will take, whatever is offered. Being a woman that has more bumps, curves and swerves myself, I will immediately say that I would rather be single than to carry the weight and the baggage of, not only a broke man.....whom needs 3 squares and a cot, but a broken man. There is nothing worst when it comes to relationships, than being an unpaid therapist and verbal punching bag for men with mommy and daddy issues, resentment towards women because they were hurt by so many....whom they still leave the door cracked open for, and the unemployed man with no plan. The only people that believe this sounds shallow, do not know their worth. We are not on this earth long enough, to be entangled with shenanigans.

I know for a fact that this foolishness is more of a popular belief than not....but I believe that the sort of man that wants a woman to take care of him and/or is desperate to have companionship, already has low self-esteem and is situational. They prey on vulnerability in women, no matter how she is packaged: skinny, fat, medium, curvy etc. They project their personal negative stories onto who they think will feel the same way about themselves, and just take these men, any way that they are, and overlook every red flag. It is highly offensive. Not to mention, predatory and gross.

When I was in my early 30's I had this neighbor that I would talk with while my son and her grandkids played together. It was wholesome socialization.......UNTIL, she got too comfortable, and not knowing me, tried to covertly open up some sort of romantic connection dialogue between me and her male friend, whom was pushing 50. He made sure to tell me that he was still in his 40's. I let it go for the sake of our kids playing together, but I rapidly began to feel uncomfortable and dirty, because I could clearly tell that he was looking at me like a "potential". For one, I do not hang out with everyone, so me gracing them with my presence, was a stretch. For two, he was not my type. For three, he was way too old. For four, he was in remission from some sort of cancer, which meant that his life expectancy was not that vast. The reason why that was a problem and would be, under different circumstances, is because I am a young mother and for my sake and my underaged child's sake, I need a relationship with longevity and worth the time investment. We all know that time is a commodity. Of course life happens and people get sick within relationships, but if I know a man has serious health struggles before hand, why would I set myself up for such difficulties? For five, the man was creepy. Everywhere I was, he appeared. I was not one to hide my disgust....it showed on my face, and every chance I got I tried avoiding him. So, he knew that I did not want to be bothered with him. Yet, there he was. The nerve of them both to think, because I was a single mom, with a son, and not a size 5, that I would be so desperate to settle. Needless to say, I was happy to go back to my introverted ways, until I found the right humans for my son and I.

This goes beyond fat and skinny. It is that toxic mentality and assumption that women need to lower their standards, that keeps us unprotected and in harms way, with these men that have shattered egos and low self-esteem. We see it all of the time, where these situations can become dangerous even deadly for a woman. Men need to do better, and live up to standards that are ideal and realistic for healthy and long lasting relationships. Plus sized or not, no woman was created by God to be a dumpster or a hospital for any man's trash and emotional, physical, financial and mental health struggles.

Illustration by Deja Doodles

Raven