Rule #1: Ghetto.

Rule number 1, when you decide to have a relationship with a Black/Indigenous Woman, or a Black Woman, leave the racism behind in the family home that you were raised in. Understand that racism and discrimination is a part of our conversation that we would like to be able to express with our partners from time to time, safely....without there being a competition of who went through more and comparing experiences as if they are equal. They can be equally bad and hurtful; but if you are not a person of color, our experiences are not equally relatable. However, both partners deserve respect and compassion when sharing their stories.

Black women and Indigenous Women want people to understand, especially romantic interests/partners from different races; that us being stoic, is not us being hard and aggressive. Us, standing up for ourselves and not tolerating disrespect is not us being ghetto. In fact, leave *that derogatory word behind as well. We have historically been preservationists by default. We have needed to preserve our culture, our peace and our dignity, from one generation to the next. We do not do so with any comical innuendo. Imagine being in fight or flight mode, every time you leave your home, because of your race. When we are with people that we love, we would like to rest.

I remember as clear as day, the moment when a White Man called me ghetto. I was married to him. "Blanco", a white Cuban. That first time would not be the last. It set the tone for how hard I would fight for myself, to prove that I was not a rough ghetto Woman. How exhausting it would become, as I tried to be feminine, but knew that on his battle ground that he knew well, I could never be. I would become masculine, in order to defend myself against a man, fairly. His insecurities, became familiar to me. I never equated him to love, but it was very easy to attract other men with similar fears of growth and accountability. Narcissistic individuals became the type I would eventually end up broken hearted by.

If I did not fight back, then I was provoked to anger. My calm was offensive to "Blanco", when he was mad. If i reacted, and fought back, then I became a ghetto loud Woman. For years while with him and afterwards, for a while, using my voice to advocate for myself, made me anxious. When I used my voice against one man, he said that I was borderline. When I used my voice against another, he made me feel like I was not soft enough, not diplomatic, even.....threatening to him. These individuals tried taming my character, personality, strength, femininity, resiliency.....everything that made my voice. Scared souls.

However, that word, so inappropriately, and incorrectly used......that word; "Ghetto", was an attack on my entire culture and an attack on every Black Woman. It says, that whenever we speak against hate, racism, bigotry, ignorance, abuse....that we lack intelligence. Our loudness is too loud. Instead, we are supposed to keep quiet and continue wearing shackles. My Native side became savage and not a representation of a "good" Indian girl.

Ghetto was something I was never raised with, in terms of how the streets use it, but I have always been a fighter and an advocate for myself. When people feel threatened, they will attack what has historically hurt you and people, like you. On their end, it is complete cowardness.

Black/Indigenous Women, have the willingness to date, court and marry outside of our own races, but for those of us that have taken the time to and care for ourselves, this joining together has to be under the awareness of knowing who we are, before getting romantically involved with us: our cultures, our history, our beliefs, how we see the world and why, our experiences with racism, reality, how we have grown and continue to grow within a society that has emboldened hate against Black and Indigenous Women.

Raven

Source Site: weheartit.com