Comorbidity (DVAM 💜)

It is often prevalent in adults that have ADHD, to also have Bipolar Disorder. These disorders together, become more severe, especially in adults. If mental health care workers were to assess abusers (which I am sure they do), they will find that many of them are living with these disorders. Often times they are worsened with addictive disorders and substance abuse. This does not give an excuse or free pass to abuse people. Let’s take a look at some symptoms and their affects:

::ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) in Adults:: Lack of impulse control: this results in anger issues, outbursts, overspending, jumping to decisions without thinking, mood swings, bad temperament, impulsiveness in relationships, changing relationships often, irresponsible sexual encounters, etc. Lack of Focus: Jumping from one idea to the other, such as having a business, then restarting a new one, then another new one, not really focusing on one idea to the end. This affects finances especially in a family. Not being able to focus on a person speaking, without speaking over them, cutting them off, completely forgetting what they say….another harm to a relationship. Easily distracted. Hyperfocus: The fixation on one single thing, that causes a person to block everything else out….even responsibilities and time.

Restlessness/Anxiety ::BPD (Bipolar Disorder):: Mood swings, euphoria, disconnect from reality, depression, anxiety, loss of interest, etc

When these disorders are present in homes with no wellness plan, it destroys and harms families. In my own home, I knew something was wrong. Through my ignorance back then, I would say during fights: “You need therapy and anger management.” I remember sitting in a Walmart parking lot, in Columbus Ohio, feeling like I was outside of my body, watching myself get severely screamed at. Then it ended with him saying……”maybe I just need anger management.” I thought I would vomit because my stomach was so upset. My Mom worked on the psych ward and took care of patients with these very struggles and more severe, so she knew what she was seeing, before I knew how to express it correctly. Thank You Jesus for the kind of Mom that I have. She gave me a loving reminder one day, that stayed in my thoughts. She said to me:

“If he does not get help, that is going to get worst every year, and put you and your baby in harms way.”

I will never forget her urgency in those words.

I brought up, getting psychiatric help, in calmer moments. It was taken as an insult. Help was never gotten. Here I am now. I say that with relief, but also, a bit of disappointment because I feel if personal responsibility was taken, the story would be different today. If I were more educated back then, things would have still been the same, but my approach would have been different. In fact I probably would have divorced in my 20’s. Not because I did not want to be there for him, but he didn’t want to be there for himself and put in the hard work. I already had a sick child. Choices were made, many excuses later, and it resulted in harm and a final showdown. Marriage counseling cannot fix psychiatric needs. That is completely okay, because there is help…but there has to be an awareness and want, for it. Whether a family deals with one, or both of these disorders….they CAN be managed and healed even, before they turn into abuse, divorce or a crime show segment. So much destruction comes from not being aware of one’s own mental health, or being aware that something is wrong and not getting help for it. I would also go as far to say that often, some families enable the issues that result with these disorders. They will cover the abuse that happens, and not call it what it is. Culture plays a part….. especially in Hispanic, Asian, and African American cultures, where mental health struggles may be seen as weakness, overall, especially in men. There is an issue there that needs to change, fast.

Raven