☠️⚠️"Traits of a Predator"⚠️☠️(Part 2)

By Raven Nicolé

"A person is a person through other persons; you can't be human in isolation; you are human only in relationships......" - Desmond Tutu

There are those seasons in one's walk of faith, where God will call individuals into isolation for the purpose of spiritual growth; a necessary time. That is not the kind of isolation I'm talking about here, however.😶‍🌫️

The separation that I am discussing, is the kind where the predator wants to make sure your time and mind is more devoted to them, than anyone else in your life. Even if they do not say this directly....it's how they operate; through secrecy and deception. This brings up another point. They also use isolation to triangulate; which I won't get into right now. Predators do not want you getting ideas about *them, from other people, that could make you leave their lives. They need you (for the moment). You are their supply. One of many. They have an innate fear of being "found out", so they must make sure you are completely sold out to them. They also need to keep you away from any person directly involved with them.

How do they lock in your loyalty? By always playing the victim. Especially a covert narcissist. In fact, they are one of the most dangerous types of predators. They do not seem, not even come across as predatorial or toxic. They are the complete opposite......until you are in too deep. At which point you are already close to being discarded . A predator narcissist ALWAYS has issues that seem so immense, or so many issues at one time, that the logical part of your brain thinks; "How?🤔 Are they being honest?" The loyalty and love in you that was built on false pretense, ignores logic, and allows for cognitive dissonance to set up house. Most of the time the issues that they get you to believe that they have are lies, exaggerated, or problems they definately created for themselves, they refuse to take accountability for; anything relating to relationships. Other issues: extreme illness/disease, death, ALWAYS an addiction (I will get back to that one in a future blog). Anything that would cause you to feel terrible if you left their side or betrayed them, and anything that they can use against you, to make you look bad if you tried outting them after the discard......because what type of "monster" talks bad about an alcoholic, a recovering addict, someone that lost a sibling or a parent, a person with a life threatening illness? They cleverly weave these stories, to arrest the voices of their victims, afterwards. Mind you ...they know from the start what they are planning to do with you. You are the only one in the dark...besides their enablers. Predators come with minions. 👾👾👾👾👾👾 They can never be alone. They may risk having to self-reflect and nothing scares them more.

I once fell in love with a covert predator. He portrayed himself as being mysterious. Which, back then, when I was naive, was attractive. He even wanted to come across as impenetrable, which was annoying. He created this persona for himself because he enjoyed having women trying to figure him out. It was a game. It was depleting. He came across as kind, he initially had a calm....even calming temperament, he listened, he understood me, he was easy to converse with (at first), etc. It was all an act. He generally knew how to be, because he dealt with so many women. I can remember feeling guilty if I talked to other men, not even romantically, because of how close he and I were and how he spoke to me. How we spoke with one another. Someone can make you feel like you can't do something, without telling you, you can't. They are called manipulators. That tactic they use is called being, passive aggressive. We had no initial title. He made sure of that, whilst also making sure I understood I was his. A covert knows how to use their words. It did not help that he was a reader and a writer like myself. I was free to speak to anyone, but I knew he would not have liked it, and I felt guilty if I tried, because we were talking like we were a couple. Meanwhile, he had many female "friends" that admired and hated him. Simultaneously. He had no devotion to me, but I felt devoted to him.

While trying to make me feel like I was special to him, he also made sure I stayed on my "competitive toes", by talking about his friendships, even if they were going badly. Don't get me wrong. He indeed spoke about some of the women in his life, like they were the terrors and he was the victim; in true narcissistic fashion. Of course, who was a problem for him was a problem for me. I stayed away from those women. Like he wanted.

He would articulately criticize me and put me down. To where later, I would be the one apologizing to him, even though I did nothing wrong. He never apologized for anything......even after I would go to him with problems that he hurt me with. He became a victim in every instance. There was one time I wrote before responding to him *first, and that became a big deal to the point he turned it into an issue. He would also put me down for how and what I wrote. Writing is a large part of my life, so I felt very insecure in a space I never did before......until my life crossed paths with him. Feeling safe was always something he stressed. When that argument broke out over me not responding to him before I wrote, I tried to make sure I was there for him. Even though I spent too much time already, talking to him and being present......someone I was not even dating or courting, or married to!😑 I was emotionally present for him, more than I was for my family, during that time. I did not realize how isolated I was living, how it took a toll on me and those I loved.....until the discard phase of narcissistic abuse happened. While he was bread crumbing and discarding me, he reconciled a friendship with the woman he told me to be careful of and not to talk to because she was "so bad". He had already started grooming another woman who was in the profession of therapy/psychology. The guy was a malignant covert narcissist. He knew how to play the game so well...because he was full of demons.

It took me over a year of my life, to get through and over that attack on my soul.

The moral of these blogs: be vigilant, be discerning and be careful. Know who is coming into your life by safe guarding your heart, your morals and faith and having strong boundaries in place. This world is full of cruel and evil people that would rather be predatorial and destroy others, than work on their own brokenness. While I did not disclose ALL traits of a predator, I wrote about some of the traits that get overlooked and are some of the most important traits. You can find the rest on the list below

God Bless and Stay Safe!💜