I'm Back!

Coming back to what I love, feels like a moment of exhailing. I've held my breath for months until this day. Writing is a love of my life that I always pine for. I lost the desire to do anything that brought value and joy to my life, because I fell into a depression. A lot happened during the summer that I will talk about soon, but the result of the stress caused my body to physically react, and I became very ill. My hormones became off balance which caused a 2 1/2 month bout of non-stop bleeding, which, with the loss of blood and no red blood cells replenishing, caused my anemia to become worse for a while. It had gotten to the point that I wanted to have my ovaries and uterus removed..........or just die. Nothing was removed, but I had no energy. I would walk up the stairs, needing to take a break to sit down, on every other step, because, without enough blood supply, the body is not producing enough oxygen to make it to every organ in the body. The heart included. I would walk and nearly faint after a few steps. I had so many tearful conversations with God, telling Him that I wanted to die. I knew death was not an option, but my quality of life had been so diminished. I did not feel human, and hated how my body betrayed me.

Through that trial, the presence and mercy of God was so strong, that I felt peacefully safe, being so weak, vulnerable and imperfect before Him......with not a single doubt of His love and compassion. He made me feel seen and my human condition, understood. After many heart breaking conversations with Him, I felt His strength replace my weakness, and become my hope and motivation to keep pressing forward and trusting in Him. He started to restore my health and my passions and dreams.

Jesus is a constant friend. A friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is faithful. When no one is there to lift you up and support you.....He will be. His love never changes. He does not look down on us when we are at our rock bottom. His word tells us this:

"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

He was and is my entire strength. What the devil meant for evil, the Lord turned it around for my good. I am stronger today. As my health gets back to normal and better, I am reminded to always be grateful for the things I took for granted........even having the ability to wash my own hair; which I was too weak to do for a while. I am grateful for the life God gave me and continues to give me. I was never alone. He walked with me. He sat with me. He stayed still and taught me how to do the same.

I am back; stronger and better than what I was. I give all credit, honor and glory to God. The lover of my soul.

"And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefor will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." ( 2 Corinthians 12:9)

Raven